The Angry Waiter

The Check Please!-bump can ruin a restaurant for pre-fame customers…but for burger and beer lovers who first learned of Kuma’s Corner (2900 W. Belmont) on an episode of the WTTW hit eight months ago, the bump was a blessing.

Named after owner Mike Cain’s Akita, Kuma’s went from neighborhood hotspot to city-wide sensation in an instant. This Avondale corner pub has so much good word-of-mouth right now that a couple of nights ago when we arrived at another restaurant minutes after their kitchen closed, the waiter there recommended we head on over to Kuma’s where they serve late-night food. We were two neighborhoods away.

I’ll get to the food and beverage, the hook here is atmosphere and attitude.

Head bangin’ metal music blasts non-stop. Pin-ups and tattoo art cover the walls, especially in the bathrooms. Got ink? Show it proudly. Save the khakis and cardigans for Lincoln Park, break out the black leather jacket, jeans and biker boots. The crowd is more roller derby girl than receptionist, more drummer than accountant, more pro-dominatrix than desperate housewife.

When Cain hires staff, he doesn’t want to hear about their experience, he wants to hear a joke and he wants to hear how loudly they can burp.

And, leave the kids at home. They won’t throw you out if you bring the kid rockers, at least not before 11pm, but you’ll regret it every second. The wait for a table is long - an hour to an hour-and-a-half most times. By the time you get a table your kids will be so tired, so crabby, so hungry you’ll miss all the fun. Take my advice, this is adult time…hire a sitter.

If you’re a longtime regular or know someone on the staff, you’ll skip the wait. I don’t have a problem with this. As my grandfather used to say, “You dance with the one who brung ya.” The rest of us head to the bar.

Kuma’s has a full bar and a few specialty martinis like “The Angel of Death” - Malibu Rum, Peach Stoli, cranberry and lime juice - and “The Mother Puncher” - Vanilla Stoli, Southern Comfort and cranberry juice - but it’s obviously the beer they care about.

The menu makes clear their philosophy on beer:
“Death to Miller and Budweiser…they are over-produced and inferior products that prevent passionate craftsmen from sharing their gifts with all of us.”

Though they offer Pabst Blue Ribbon (if you drink it, we’re not responsible for you waking up in a NASCAR shirt), craft brews, often seasonal, dominate the beer list. Bottles range from $4.00 to $25.00, drafts from $4.00 to $6.00.

Try a bottle of Buster Nut Brown Ale from Ska Brewing in Durango, Colorado, or Hopsickle IPA from Moylan’s Brewery in Novato, California. Cane and Ebel Red Rye Ale from Two Bothers Brewing, Warrenville, IL is a hoppy springtime draft and Cleveland’s Great Lakes Brewing’s Edmund Fitzgerald Porter pairs nicely with some of the smoky food offerings.

Finally, the food.

Kuma’s offers only a few unremarkable, yet adequate, appetizers ($8-$10). Who cares? By the time you get a table, you’ll need something fast. Calamari with spicy cherry peppers and lemon aioli or BBQ Pork Fries with Jack cheese will tide you over.

There’s a couple of sandwiches ($10) on the menu - a Buffalo Chicken sandwich and a BBQ Pork sandwich, but you probably won’t give them a second look. That’s not why you’re here.

You may be here for the excellent Make Your Own Mac & Cheese ($10 with two ingredients, $1 extra ingredients) - combine your choice of bacon, prosciutto, chicken, andouille sausage, peppers, onions, sun-dried tomatoes, broccoli, peas, sweet corn, mushrooms and scallions - but chances are you, like nearly everyone else, are here for the burgers.

Kuma’s claims, and maybe rightfully so, to make “The Best Burgers In Chicago.”

The 10oz. burgers ($10-$12), served on a pretzel role with fries or chips, are a bit pricey and worth every penny. If you prefer, a garden burger, chicken breast or chicken tenders may be substituted for beef.

It’s the combination of toppings that make these burgers great.

“The Kuma Burger” is topped with cheddar cheese, bacon and a fried egg. “The Judas Priest” combines bacon, bleu cheese dressing, apples, walnuts and dried cranberries. “The Led Zeppelin” is topped with cheddar cheese, pulled pork, bacon and pickles.

Combining the best of two worlds, “The Goblin Cock” is a bacon cheddar cheeseburger topped with a quarter-pound Chicago-style Vienna Hot Dog - tomatoes, onions, neon green relish, sport peppers, pickles, celery salt and mustard included.

There are more burgers available and daily specials too.

This is not health food, but if my life expectancy is shortened by one day because I ate here, it’ll be a day well spent. If somewhere along the line I gain an extra day, I’ll make sure to spend it eating here.

I don’t recall any desserts on the menu…I didn’t look, I didn’t ask and I wasn’t offered. They want the table. When the plates are cleared, the check is down and we were out…full and happy.

There is one downside to Kuma’s Corner…they pump out so many burgers from the semi-enclosed kitchen near the back of the long, single room that when you leave, you’ll smell like a burger…but at least you’ll smell like a really, really good burger.

Kuma’s Corner 2900 W. Belmont Chicago, IL 773-604-8769